1.Â Obey their demands. Give in to their tantrums. Deny them nothing. If they want it, indulge them. Make sure they know you will always be there to get them out of trouble. If they
1.Â Obey their demands. Give in to their tantrums. Deny them nothing. If they want it, indulge them. Make sure they know you will always be there to get them out of trouble. If they break a toy or wreck a car, replace it.
2. Overlook, defend, or rescue them from the consequences of their negative behavior. Accept their excuses or blame others by saying things such as, “My child would never do that!”, “It can’t be her fault; it must be the school’s fault!”, or “The other child made him do it.”
3. Disregard moral principles. Be dishonest. Involve your children in lying or cheating others and taking pleasure in the misfortune of others. Encourage insecurity by telling them to keep secrets from other family members or family secrets from others.
4. Avoid touching, hugging, and taking time to interact with your children. Deny the existence of their emotional and social needs. Discourage them from expressing feelings and isolate them from friends, organizations, and activities. Disregard their physical needs.
5. Ignore their worthwhile and constructive habits. Avoid complimenting or praising their efforts. When they have done something well, make fun of it. Belittle their ideas, interests, and accomplishments. Dwell on their weaknesses. Expect them to fail. Express hopelessness in their ability to succeed or to cope positively with life’s stresses.
6. Pretend you never make mistakes or have problems. Expect perfection from your children. Judge them harshly if they make a mistake or misbehave. Never forgive, but instead hurt and degrade them by yelling, blaming, shaming, whipping, humiliating, or threatening to abandon them.
7. Establish and enforce tough, rigid rules. Discourage thought and questions by demanding that they do what you want, when you want it done. Never help them think of ways to work through their own problems. Demonstrate your distrust of them by questioning everything they do, and discount their right to privacy and independence as they mature.
8. Keep children constantly on guard by being unpredictable. Become angry at an action one day and laugh at it the next. Avoid any kind of routine. Let them decide when to eat and sleep. Allow them to watch television continually without your supervision or guidance. Avoid traditions. Rarely eat dinner as a family. Treat them differently. Have a “favorite” child who can do no wrong and a “bad” child who can do no right.
9. Remain uninformed about drugs and drug use. If you smoke, drink alcohol excessively, or use other drugs, make excuses and deny your own use. Never discuss your attitudes or feelings about drugs. Disregard the facts concerning the negative effects drugs have on the mind and body.
10. Above all else, discount your own value as a human being. Communicate anger and resentment toward life. Engage in self-indulgent, self-destructive behaviors.
What Parents Owe Their Children
12 Rules For Raising Delinquent Children
A Sense of Entitlement
What It Means to “Let Go”
A Child’s Ten Commandments For Parents
How to Build Self-Confidence in Children and Teens
Are You An Enabler? Early Warning Signs of Enabling Behaviors
Zero Tolerance for Disrespectful, Cussing Kids
Parents Guide to Surviving the Teen Years
Raising Children With Tough Love
(Used with permission by Leah Davies @ KellyBear.com)
Categories: Abuse, Children, Education, Family, Friendship, Health, Parenting, Relationships, Teenagers – Tags: 10 Ways to Raise Children to USE Drugs, Are you an enabler?, how to be a good parent, Just Say No To Drugs
What do parents owe their children? Do parents “owe” their children anything? Do parents owe their kids a college education, or an inheritance? Are the challenges of parenting causing concern and doubt on how to be a good parent while raising your children and teens? What does “parental responsibility” include in raising children?
The only things parents “owe” their kids in a material way is to provide for their basic needs of water, food, clothing and shelter until the children reach adulthood, where “kids” then take on the responsibilities of caring for their own needs as adults.
Children, adolescents and adults have 6 basic human needs including: physical, emotional, social, intellectual, spiritual and creative needs in order to be happy, healthy and well-adjusted individuals. Things such as personal ambition, self-control, respect, obedience, happiness, self-esteem, morality, courage, loyalty, integrity, honesty and independence are all things that cannot be bought or given, but must be learned.
Parents have the responsibility to teach and train their children about the basics of life such as how to speak, eat, walk, tie their shoes, use good manners etc, and it is the parents’ obligation and responsibility to love and care for their children with firm guidance and consistent discipline, support and educate them until they reach the age when they can and should provide for themselves and take care of their own needs.
Things Parent’s Do Not Owe Their Children
Parent’s do not owe their children every second or minute of their day, nor every ounce of their energy. Parent’s do not owe their children round-the-clock car service, singing lessons, dance lessons, karate lessons, trips to summer camp, trips to Disney World, expensive bicycles, a credit card, a motorcycle or a car when they reach the age of sixteen, or a trip to Europe when they graduate high school. Parents need to get off the “you owe me” guilt-trip and learn how to say no to children and their numerous demands and unrealistic expectations, and mean it.
Parents do not owe their children a college education or an inheritance. If parents can afford to send their children to college, fine; but parents must not become guilt-ridden if or when they cannot afford to send their kids to college. If children want or plan to attend college and their parents are not financially able to afford the expense, kids that really want to go to college can do so with scholarships, federal grant programs, student loans, etc. Parents who fall victim to the “give-me game” may find themselves guilted into bankruptcy if not careful.
When children become adults, parents do not owe them a down payment on a house or money for the furniture. Parents do not have an obligation to baby-sit or to take their grandchildren into their home when the parents go on vacation. If parents want to do it, it is a favor, not an obligation. Parents do not “owe” their grown children financial help or an inheritance regardless of how much money a parent has. Parents must learn to cut the financial umbilical cord for their own sake and for the sake of their children.
The parental responsibility of raising children to adulthood is an enormous challenge, as parents strive to provide for their child’s needs as best they can, only to hear those ominous words as kids get older, “you owe me” this or that. The idea of owing anything to children is usually heard from entitled teenagers and grown adult children who have unrealistic expectations of a parents responsibility and obligations to kids.
Psychotherapist Eileen Gallo, along with her husband John J. Gallo, collaborated on the book, Silver Spoon Kids : How Successful Parents Raise Responsible Children, and Gary W. Buffone, Ph.D., author of Choking on the Silver Spoon: Keeping Your Kids Healthy, Wealthy and Wise in a Land of Plenty, have provided parents two excellent parenting guides to ensure children don’t become spoiled about money in an age of unprecedented wealth, unlimited credit, rampant materialism and entitlement.
Included are helpful checklists, self-tests, and brief bits of wisdom and advice that parents can quickly put to use. Parents, if you have ever wondered how to talk to your kids about what money is and is not, what money can and cannot do, the above books are a great place to start.
A Sense of Entitlement
Helping vs. Enabling: Is There a Difference?
12 Rules for Raising Delinquent Children
What it Means to “Let Go”
Setting Boundaries With Your Adult Children
Are Parents Helping or Enabling Their Adult Children?
How to Stop Enabling – When Our Grown Children Disappoint Us
Are You An Enabler? Identifying Early Warning Signs of Enabling Behaviors
Categories: Children, Education, Family, Health, Marriage, Parenting, Relationships, Religion, Teenagers – Tags: basic needs of children, challenges of parenting, do parents owe their kids a college education, entitlement issues, helping vs enabling, how to be a good parent, parental responsibility, parenting adult children, what parents owe their children