leaving an abusive relationship

An increasing number of teenage girls are being controlled or abused by their boyfriends by the time they graduate from high school. Although it is not unheard of for teenage boys to be victims of

abuse11-thumbnail-2 An increasing number of teenage girls are being controlled or abused by their boyfriends by the time they graduate from high school. Although it is not unheard of for teenage boys to be victims of abusive relationships, abused by their girlfriends, it is much more common for the boys to be abusing the girls. Statistics show that 1 out of 3 teenagers have experienced violence in a dating relationship, proving the need for information on the “signs of an abusive relationship“, “how to know if your relationship is Toxic”, and tips on “leaving an abusive relationship“.

Most cases involve one partner trying to maintain power and control over the other through various forms of abuse. I can’t even imagine what I would do if I learned one of my children were being mistreated this way by someone claiming to love them. I’m afraid the “mother bear” in me would take over any sense of rational thought, leading me to go straight for the jugular of the person doing harm to my child.

Teen dating violence or abuse is often kept secret and hidden because teenagers are inexperienced, seeking independence from their parents, and they are often pressured by peers to begin dating at an early age. Some young men (boys) even believe they have the right to “control” women out of fear that they will lose “respect” amongst their own peers for being attentive and supportive towards their girlfriends.

Love doesn’t hurt-it’s not a feeling either. Actions speak louder than words. It’s what he does in action, not based on what he says, that shows his true love for you. Love is not the way you think he feels about you, or how you want him to feel about you. True love is an empowering experience, where you don’t feel afraid or sad…you feel great!

Love also doesn’t happen immediately, or even within a few short weeks. Young people can often be heard expressing their “love” for their boyfriend/girlfriend within a matter of days after they begin dating. It takes time to get to know someone, to really get to know them; to learn about their likes, dislikes, personality flaws, quirks, ideals, goals, to determine if who they are really fits who you are in order to blend into a happy, meaningful, and most importantly, loving relationship.

Teen dating violence statistics-

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If you think that his abusive tendencies (whether physical, mental or emotional) means he really loves you, you would be wrong and statistics prove that beyond a shadow of a doubt. If your boyfriend or partner is abusive to you now, even if not physically violent yet, more often than not it will only get worse until one day he seriously injures you or kills you. It’s that serious.

You may think that because you have friends that are being controlled or abused, that this is “normal” relationship behavior or you think you can change him. Think again. You may think that because he has not physically hurt you or hit you, that you are not being abused. It is important to understand, to really “get it”, that emotional abuse or control is often the first signs of an abusive relationship yet to come.

Emotional abuse almost always escalates and becomes a physical form of abuse, making it even more vital to learn now what the signs of an abusive relationship are, so you can take necessary steps to get out of the abusive relationship. It always involves control – one partner controlling the actions of another. If this kind of behavior is present in your relationship, you have a potentially dangerous situation that is likely to only get worse as the relationship progresses.

While emotional abuse could easily lead to physical violence, it doesn’t always lead to this. The abuser might decide that he can sufficiently control you with psychological abuse, fear, professions of “love”, apologies (“I promise it will never happen again”), gifts and other manipulations.

Relationship Warning Signs-

How do you know if you are currently in an abusive relationship, whether it be physical, emotional or mental? What warning signs are there for you to evaluate and question yourself truthfully about your relationship and the potential for violence or further abuse? It is never too late to help yourself, by educating yourself as well as your dating teenage children, in relation to dealing with abusive relationships, whether it be teenage or adult relationships. Don’t be a statistic. I know, because I was one at one time in my life. As a parent, I make sure all of my children (sons and daughters) know the signs of an abusive relationship, and how they can and should leave such a relationship. And, that I’m only a phone call away.

Suggested Reading:

Staying Connected to Your Teenager: How to Keep Them Talking to You and How to Hear What They’re Really Saying

“Signs of an Abusive Relationship”

Categories: Abuse, Dating, Death, Family, Health, Marriage, Men, Parenting, Relationships, Teenagers, Women – Tags: abusive relationship warning signs, leaving an abusive relationship, teen dating violence, teen dating violence statistics, teenage abusive relationships, women in abusive relationships

abuse1-thumbnailIf you answer yes to one or more of the following “signs of an abusive relationship” quiz-questions about the boy (or girl) you are dating, then you are in danger of having a serious problem. If several of these are answered with yes, leaving an abusive relationship can mean the difference between life and death. It’s that serious. Get a new boyfriend/girlfriend, or spouse.

Is he using alcohol or drugs?

Does he have extreme mood swings? Happy one minute and angry the next?

Is he extremely jealous? Does he get angry if other boys pay attention to you or speak to you?

Does he use force during an argument? Has he ever pushed , shoved, hit or slapped you?

Does he blame others or make excuses about his problems or behaviors?

Is he verbally abusive to you? Yelling, putting you down, calling you names or threatening you?

Does he treat his mother with disrespect? Is he mean to her?

Does he try to tell you what to do, who you can or cannot see, who you can or cannot talk to?

Does he try to keep you away from your family or your friends, expecting you to spend all your time with him?

Does he criticize your family, telling you that he knows what is best for you and your family is wrong?

He doesn’t want you to tell your family or friends about the problems between the two of you.

He makes you feel guilty when you don’t want to have sex.

He pressures you into having sex with him when you don’t want to.

Physically forces you to have sex after you have said no.

Doesn’t accept or respect your decisions.

When chatting or instant messaging, he gets upset when you aren’t answering fast enough.

Implies that you lie or directly calls you a liar.

Doesn’t trust you.

Checks up on you. Tells you his friends at school are “keeping an eye on you.”

Comes to your home, school or workplace uninvited or unexpected to check up on you.

Keeps sending text messages or calling repeatedly if you don’t answer fast enough.

Hangs up the phone when he is talking to you.

Gives you the silent treatment.

Expects you to follow him and ask him what’s wrong when he walks off.

Apologizes but then does the same thing again and again.

Blames you for things he does.

Makes you feel guilty for not spending more time with him.

Tells you what you “should” do.

Tells you to do things rather than asking you to do them.

Says he can’t live with you or he will kill himself if you leave him.

Makes you feel responsible for his feelings.

Makes you afraid of telling him the truth, so you find yourself not telling him things or lying to him to avoid fights and conflicts.

Tells you what to do or not do, where to go or not go.

Telling you who to be friends with, or he doesn’t like your friends.

Telling you how to dress, how to wear your hair or make-up.

Telling you how to act, who to talk to or not talk to.

Wanting to know where you are at all times, who you are with.

Calling you to make sure you are where you said you would be.

Phoning, messaging you a lot each day.

He goes through your things; checks your phone to see who is calling or messaging you.

Starts a fight with you right before you need to leave to go home or out with your friends.

Obsessed with you; has to be a part of everything you do.

Reality check:

Remember, love doesn’t hurt. It’s not a feeling. It’s a behavior. Asking yourself these questions to find out if you’re “in love” or “in danger” can mean the difference between having a happy, healthy relationship or an abusive relationship, full of pain and misery. If your answers to these questions have caused you any sense of concern or alarm about your relationship, it’s time to turn to a family member or an adult you trust for help. Leaving an abusive relationship could save your life. Don’t be a statistic.

Further Reading-

Married To An Abuser-Identifying Early Warning Signs of Abusive and Controlling Men

How To Hide Money From An Abusive Husband

Categories: Abuse, Children, Dating, Death, Family, Friendship, Health, Marriage, Parenting, Relationships, Teenagers, Women – Tags: abusive relationship quiz, abusive relationships, abusive teenage relationships, leaving an abusive relationship, love doesn’t hurt, teenage relationships