“Why Him? Why Her? – Finding Real Love by Understanding Your Personality Type” by Helen Fisher has been the topic of conversation around the net since the release of Helen Fisher’s book on January 20,
“Why Him? Why Her? – Finding Real Love by Understanding Your Personality Type” by Helen Fisher has been the topic of conversation around the net since the release of Helen Fisher’s book on January 20, 2008. Appearing on ABC’s 20/20, biological anthropologist Helen Fisher (who has been studying love for 30 years) studied 28,128 people to analyze why men and women are attracted to each other based on four personality types, then put the test results in her new book Why Him Why Her (Henry Holt).
After researching why people fall in love with one person rather than another, Fisher and her colleagues Arthur Aron and Lucy Brown, came to believe men and women are a combination of four personality types associated with four specific neurotransmitters and hormones: The Explorer (dopamine), The Builder (serotonin), The Director (testosterone) and The Negotiator (estrogen).
Helen Fisher conducted her love lab research at Chemistry.com, an affiliate of Match.com, which is largest online dating service on the web. Included in Fisher’s book is the Helen Fisher personality test questionnaire and results (taken by over 7 million people worldwide so far) to help readers determine their own personality type and how your personality type influences who you fall in love with.
In a Helen Fisher interview, The Explorer (dopamine) is described as adventurous, novelty-seeking, creative. The Builder (serotonin) is cautious, conventional, managerial. The Director (testosterone) is aggressive, single-minded, analytical. The Negotiator (estrogen) is empathetic, idealistic, a big-picture thinker. Which personality type are you? Does your personality type guide who you love, or not? Do opposites attract or there something else going on?
Helen Fisher Why Him Why Her Video
Who Loves Whom and Why?
According to the personality test results of Helen Fisher’s mate study, some people are attracted to their opposites and some are attracted to their matches. “We know that you tend to fall in love with somebody from your same socioeconomic background, same general level of intelligence, same general level of good looks, same religious values,” Fisher said. “We tend to fall in love with somebody who can give us what we need in exchange for giving them what they need. Timing is important, proximity is important.”
Explorers are attracted to other Explorers because they crave excitement; they want optimism, impulsivity and curiosity in their partner. The Explorer/Explorer match is generally strong because Explorers love adventure and want a partner to share their spontaneity. But this match can have problems. Since both are willing to tolerate risks, two Explorers can find themselves in disastrous situations. And Explorers are not usually very introspective so the pair often avoids difficult discussions.
Like Explorers, Builders are attracted to each other. They are most likely to marry each other, to say they are happy in their marriage and less likely to divorce than other combinations. Builders like bringing people and community together and enjoy working together. They are successful at building large circles of close friends, making sensible decisions about money, family and feelings together and value security above almost everything.
Unlike Builders and Explorers who are often attracted to people of their own type, Directors and Negotiators are often drawn to each other. They compliment each other as Negotiators see the big picture while Directors focus on smaller pieces of the puzzle. Negotiators are skilled at seeing all angles without taking action and Directors are decisive yet don’t often analyze ancillary data. The two types are also compatible socially. Negotiators are good at smoothing over Directors’ inappropriate comments and Directors admire the diplomatic nature of Negotiators.
Difference Between Men and Women
When discussing the difference between men and women, Fisher says there are two more chemicals that should be mentioned, besides dopamine, serotonin, testosterone and estrogen. “Norepinephrine, a chemical closely related to dopamine, undoubtedly contributes to some of the Explorer’s traits, especially their energy and impulsivity. And oxytocin—a chemical synthesized, stored and triggered (in large part) by estrogen—most likely plays a role in the Negotiator’s compassion, nurturing, trust and intuition”, says Fisher.
Dr. Fisher says, “In fact, families of chemicals produce the Explorer, Builder, Director and Negotiator. The specific activities of any one chemical are not as significant as the ratios and interactions among all of them and several other neural systems. Nevertheless, only dopamine, serotonin, testosterone and estrogen have been directly associated with a wide range of personality traits. So variations in these four chemicals most likely form the foundation of these four basic styles of thinking and behaving. But does your personality type guide who you love? I decided to find out”.
Dr. Helen Fisher’s personality test results appear to prove that people do not necessarily fall in love with people of the same personality types, despite the common wisdom that we should find dates that share our interests. Instead, individuals fall head over heels for those who complement their personality type and who reflect their type.
Why Him Why Her shows how we seek a person with whom we have a natural chemistry connection, grounded on the chemical systems that manifest themselves in the four personality types. Take the personality test to find out which of the Helen Fisher personality types describe you. Are you The Explorer? The Builder? The Director or The Negotiator? Do you agree with the results from your quiz?